Thinking of you as I do quite often, but especially in April. This time each year is the only time I ever think of you and feel sadness. The other 11 months...well...I remember Brent. I remember that one of my dearest friends lost her son so unexpectedly. The fact is stored in a shallow area of my consciousness, always close enough to the surface to never, ever forget. April is for a different kind of remembering though, because in April I remember the day. I remember hearing your voice on the other end of the phone, uttering words that a mother shouldn't have to say about her child, and this memory imprints itself deeply enough upon my heart that I again vow to myself, "I will not forget him. I will not forget her pain."....and I don't.
Even in the short amount of time I've spent with you since April of 2006, I have seen beauty grow into the cracks and crevices of pain that used to be gaping holes, and maybe to you they're still gaping holes, at least at times. When I was there last spring, your laughter and smile meant more to me than they used to. Even when you belted out the words to that ridiculous country music song in the car and I thought my ears would bleed, it still made my heart happy. This was because I know that YOUR laughter and YOUR song can only come from a place inside you that our creator poured himself into. Who would God be if he wasn't all up in our pain? I know he does all things well, but what's more fascinating than the way he weaves himself into our pain, somehow sewing us up with more of Himself than was there when we THOUGHT we were whole?
So, dear Connie, I will not forget Brent. I will not forget your loss. I will not forget your beauty. I will not forget poop and rocks. I will not forget your family, but especially not in April.
With all my love - Jennifer
I will however try to forget how I looked with bangs
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