One of my patients turned 102 today.

Sometime in the past two years, a shadow crept between me and the light that brightened and warmed my world. As someone who considers herself an optimist, this was a new experience. I called it many things...reality, fatigue, stress, illness, etc, and while I was busy being led by all these distractions, a more insidious problem was developing.

Depression is confusing, because unlike physical disorders, you don't always recognize it when you see it. Your muddled mind can't sort out your symptoms on it's own sometimes, and as a result you may follow as it leads you miles down a dark and lonely road. When you finally look around and realize you recognize none of your surroundings, you tell yourself it's no use...you're too lost, too vulnerable to find your way out. You begin to grow comfortable with this lesser way of living.

So this is where I find myself now. Like a recovering addict, my approach is now to make the NEXT best decision. Instead of floating aimlessly through my day I'm taking a more proactive approach. I may do it imperfectly, but I believe each positive step taken clears the path a little bit more. If you're dealing with similar issues, you may want to check out this blog. It's been an encouragement to me.

I love the woods, and while I like being there with other people, there's something about wandering through the trees alone that feels like a luxury. I had the opportunity to go on a short hike by myself last weekend, which is not something I ordinarily do, but I've been dating one of the park rangers at this particular park and since he wasn't worried I wasn't worried.

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Live in London)

Love the spirit of this song.

Discontent

I haven't been posting much because I've been going through kind of a rough time...not a crisis but just discontent with where my life is at right now. I had hoped to be further along in my education and career by now.Lydia is reaching a more independent age where I no longer strictly define myself as a mother.

I take this discontentedness as a good sign...one that simply means it's time for a change in my thinking or environment or maybe both. It doesn't make for good blogging though.

Lydia is grounded this week and it almost seems she likes it. She never gets in trouble so I think it makes her feel more normal. Without her computer, phone, tv etc she's trying to come up with things to do and keep her attitude positive. She made this today.

Study geometry? Spray for bugs?

Have you ever seen anything cuter? Yes, that's a baby fox.

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